Getting Past the Past

Several years ago I was the secretary at the church I attend. It was a job that I loved. I loved the people I worked with, I loved the people in the church, I loved the daily activities. Because I worked at the church and also attended the church, I was at the church alot. What seemed so natural to me, was not to my husband, who was a new believer. Looking back, I am sure he often wondered who I loved more, him or the church. So he asked me to quit my job. And when I could not do it, he did it for me.

Talk about devastating. One of the hardest years of my life followed. I did love my husband very much, but I soon realized that my whole identity was wrapped up in my position of church secretary. When I no longer possessed that title, I felt I was nothing. Everything I had been was lost to me. It created a lot of tension in my marriage, and it was extremely hard for me to continue to attend church. I felt empty. I felt dead.

Thank goodness that is not the end of the story. What seemed like a nightmare eventually ended. Slowly, but surely, with the help of people who loved me, I woke up. Time and the Holy Spirit do heal all wounds. We just have to let them be healed. If I had not given up what I wanted, I would have never recieved what God wanted.

It is not easy to let go of something you love. Sometimes only something you love more will cause it to happen. Honestly, there are times I still miss being the church secretary, but I would have missed my husband more. And, honestly, I loved the attention I recieved. I love people, and I want them to love me. But that doesn't take a title. Loving people is a choice. And they love you back because of how you treat them.

This was a hard lesson. It almost drove me from my church home. But, it didn't. And it has caused me to have compassion for those who have been through similar scenarios. Sometimes the past we are getting over is not one we are ashamed of, but one we wish we still had.

Lord, I pray for restoration today. Help us to take back those things the enemy has stolen. And help us to see our identity in you and not in a title. We are children of the King, royal priests, a holy nation. Nothing can take that away.